What happened to the times? Is it over?

Does being here means I can't spend time with two of my favourites cousins? The last time I spent time with them was 2004... It has been 3 years... I can't spend time with them... I remembered we used to sing songs together, danced on the bed and jumped to lay down, and we'll laugh... Now I hate them... They're always together for one week every year, I'll be the only one left out. I can't tell my parents that I want to go home quick to spend time with them, because my parents hate the duo... The same song is beating my eardrums... My 2 cousins have no internet access and don't know about this blog... I don't know whether they're reading my blog or not ... not even my elder cousin.. i don't think he care. Good-bye to the times...~

Paramnesia....Kit, Me...and some people from goodness knows where...

I realised that the feelings I thought happened in my dreams and I'm going through it in real life, as a repetition, it don't happen in my dream... It's called paramnesia... or deja vu. I found out that this name came from two Greek words.. para for parallel and mnēmē for memory, got this from wikipedia. Here's a sentence to describe it..;

" The experience of déjà vu is usually accompanied by a compelling sense of familiarity, and also a sense of "eeriness", "strangeness", or "weirdness". The "previous" experience is most frequently attributed to a dream, although in some cases there is a firm sense that the experience "genuinely happened" in the past. Déjà vu has been described as "remembering the future". " (wikipedia [deja vu])

I'm not the only one... Kit also experience this... and some other people...

It's his birthday the tomorrow... he's 26...

Just 'wide-spreading' this wish... to everyone who's turning 26 on the 16th September... HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Especially to the one guy... ^_^

today is a happy day for me... for some reason... which i don't want to write here...or tell you... you'll see it yourself...
I don't have to say... if you can't figure out, too bad. LoL

Don't ask us why...Look at yourselves first...It's YOUR fault...

The next time we don't talk to you, always remember that you're the one ignoring us. The next time I don't talk to you, remember that I hate you guys for being something I shouldn't say here... When you said that we're acting like we're no more your friends, remember that you don't want us to be there. So, please, don't ask me, the same question you asked when we don't talk to you... If this is the way you want it to be done...I'll let you have it!!! Don't think that I don't know anything... I know something is hiding behind one of your hearts... Which means, one of you is just pretending.... Don't ever ask me what I mean, don't ask me question only if you need me, I'm not some kind of machine made to answer your f***ing bullshit questions!!! I guess we will never understand the term...Not in this age... You said we're just like strangers to you all, but you all are the one enjoying everything on your own... So, we don't want to be DISTURBANCE to you all... You don't know what I'm like when I really lose my temper. No one knows... not yet... I can be sweet to people who's not like you all... But... If you all treat me this way... This is what you'll receive...

Lonely....Absence makes my heart grow fonder...

I quarrel with him evertime he's here. But now, imagining he goes somewhere far for 3 months is kinda horrible. *Sigh* Nevermind... as long as he have a good time there. And for some reason, I broke down in class early in the morning... I can't hold it anymore... I felt lonely... I ate my breakfast alone... That's so different... *sigh* I try to think that three months is not that long... So... It's okay, they'll be back soon... But I just can't... When I think again..."Three months...." I'll feel dissapointed...

I want fabulous...~

Just like one of the HSM 2 soundtrack... I want FABULOUS!!! An absoulute perfection, please... You can say I'm demanding... Yes... I am... I don't think anyone knows who am I... or at least.. how is the 'inner' me... And don't even think of knowing... Hah! Once more... !!! I DEMAND PERFECTION!!!!! (In studies??? Impossible...*haha*)

Nothing to post...

Just doing my job... posting on this blog... Naaaah... Actually, I'm just bored....

SCHOOL!!!! Final Year Exam... But... *sigh*

School exam after PMR... But... I'll be wasting another month... a month and a half actually... I don't want to go to school after I got all my marks and report card... I will call my relatives... And return after I can... Which is... My time is disrupted by the piano lesson... (Sigh). I always wanted to go home... But... Now I think... after spending a long time here, maybe after sometimes... I won't have the time to go back... This will be my home... no more the neighbouring country... After all I did... Dad said if I study hard and score well for the test... I can go back... But now... Even though I score 521 out of 900... Which is the 'good' in our Form 1 standard... (LoL) But, because of piano class...I'm coming back on December... I wasted a month for a once-a-week-stupid-piano class... I loved piano.. and it's not time for me to quit...yet. It will be worthless if I quit now... So I swear I won't... But...I really want to go back... If I go for more than one month... I will have to pay another 185 bux... But Mum...as usual... stingy as ever... She said..."Do you really want to go or not?!" Which means... Do I really want to go to paino class... ask that to myself... What comes out is... CONFUSION... GEt iT?! DARN IT!!! Is this what it takes to be me?! Then.. If I could choose... I won't choose to be me... >.<>.<

I just hate being me...

I hate being me... I don't know what is so interesting...or what makes my mom suspicious of what I'm looking over the internet... I mean... I just watched a comedy-serial...sort of... show... about the latest issues... Like..political... lifestyle...celebs..and she says she wants to hear too...(I was listening from my earphone) I say.. 'Later'... But she mumbles something I couldn't remember..and pull my earphone from the speakers.... And I got mad... I paused the video... I said "Why wouldn't you watch this on yourself now...??!" And I played with the sleeping Fluffy...(my pet hamster) And then she said "Why are you always so cruel to me??!" And I don't think I need to answer that question... She meddles with what I'm doing...I don't like that... Now she's acting all cold to me... Like I care... She spoilt my mood on my last day of rest... Why don't I just die when I said I want to??! If only I can take everything on my own hands... Wouldn't it be nice??? I don't need counselling... What i need is an END. I will never get what I want anyway... Even though people say if you believe in God and pray hard... everything you wished will come true... I tried that method... What do I get..?? Well... the minor wishes... Like getting good grades for my mid-terms... Haha... Saved me from being nagged by mom... I don't think she deserve to be called a 'mom'. Parents are not as pleasant as the ones you see on tv... at the commercials.... They're NOT. Parents are busy-bodies... I know parents don't agree with me... I don't think mine would ever visit this blog... No one will... So, why don't I just put everthing to personal??! I don't want any unwanted visitors... No one is goig to comment my heart thoughts anyway... They don't care...and they will never, NEVER...EVER care... They've got better blog... SO?! I still love my blog because it never disturb me... NEVER comment on my heart thoughts..That's why... Let me tell you all something... No one is a loyal bestfriend in this world... They'll never be like the one in the movies... Best friends can fight anytime, nothing is forever... My best friend is my dog..Who understands me... and will try to 'soothe' me in anyway... Which sometimes I don't understand... Now you know how it feels... being a girl who loved her pet pooch more than anyone on Earth... yeah, I love her more than anything...ANYTHING..Even more than the guys I said I had a crush on them... My dog is my true best friend... no one is better... There will never be a better people...Not in this world..not until I die...

Braces - Day 51

*Yawn*... My title is getting boring... Braces - Day... ~ Blablabla... (sigh). Maybe I'll change starting tomorrow... Yeah... If I remembered....

ps: 454 days to go